Often when having Get To Know Verdi calls (free 20 minute consults) with potential clients Marguerite and I realize that what a client is searching for, but doesn’t know exactly how to verbalize, is financial health. Financial health is akin to mental health -- one’s emotional and psychological well-being -- but is focused on two areas: 

1. Strong financial systems and metrics

2. Positive emotional reaction to money and financial decisions

The first aspect is usually what I think of as the nuts and bolts of our work. If we’re working on personal finance with a client that could mean anything from debt elimination to creating an investment plan. If we’re working on business finance with a client that could mean anything from creating projections for the next quarter to determining appropriate pricing for their products and services. This piece of the puzzle is about numbers. It is about making sure that the math works out. But, the numbers alone don’t tell us the exact path forward -- they definitely tell us what not to do, but they usually also show several good options. 

That’s where emotional reactions come into play. 

The second piece of the puzzle is less quantifiable, but is how final decisions are made. It is about making sure that your financial decisions are aligned with your values and make you feel good. This work is actually largely the same regardless of if we’re working on personal or business finances. It often means helping a client figure out the root cause of their negative emotional reactions to money and financial decisions and then figuring out how to create a replacement narrative that serves them better. For example, it may mean walking a client through a process to figure out where they first learned a negative financial behavior -- maybe from a family member or friend -- and then discussing how that negative behavior was emotionally reinforced over time. This emotional detective work is key to reframing and building new narratives that serve clients. 

Often this work is casually sprinkled in throughout our work together, but not talked about explicitly (i.e. I help a client figure out why she doesn’t want to price her products a certain way and then we figure out a pricing strategy that helps her reach her revenue goals while alleviating the emotional stress that the first option brought up). Sometimes it is really explicit. This could mean that either Marguerite or I notice a specific emotional block that comes up over and over and we address it head on or it could mean that creating a healthy emotional relationship with money is a goal in itself. Regardless of how we address this aspect of financial health, it is always part of our work.

XOXO

Today’s post is an informal case study on why taking breaks is crucial for our mental and physical health and, therefore, our financial health.

I’ve now been officially back from maternity leave for about a month and a half and am slowly figuring out my schedule and the realities of being a working parent during a pandemic. The logistics are not simple and I’m not sure I’ll ever master them (perhaps that isn’t even possible). In general this is how things are supposed to go: I work about 20 hours a week. Vidalia is in daycare for 15 of those hours and the other five are cobbled together from other times throughout the week -- naps, times when she is with her dad, early mornings before she’s up...you get the picture. We will increase the amount of time she’s in daycare in the coming months, but for now this is what feels best for all involved, and, in theory, the plan works great.

In reality the whole system could fall apart at any moment because of any number of “children-are-gross-and-there’s-a-pandemic” reasons: 

• Vidalia could get sick and need to stay home

• Vidalia could get one of her parents sick and we’d have to keep her home because of Covid protocols

• One of Vidalia’s classmates could get Covid or someone in their home could get Covid and the whole classroom of kiddos would have to stay home

Basically there are a lot of ways that childcare can disappear at the drop of a hat. 

Because of that I often feel like I need to use every little moment I have available to get work done. A little voice in my head eggs me on reminding me that I don’t really know that I’ll get those 5 hours of childcare so I should really use this 6am hour on a Sunday to respond to emails. As you likely can imagine, that little voice in my head has been making me feel like I’m both always at work and never really working enough, when in fact I had a plan for working part-time in 2021 and if I just stuck with it then I could get what I need to get done. I won’t get everything done, but, as I said last week, that isn’t possible anyway.

This weekend I decided to try a different approach at making that little voice shut up. Instead of giving in to its demands, I resisted. I didn’t do any work on Sunday and Monday. I read a book. I journaled. I went on a hike with my husband and daughter. I drank my coffee while talking to my cat. I called my sister. I went on a run with a friend. I played with my daughter. And you know what? It was incredibly restorative. It is now Tuesday morning and I feel happy to use this little window of time to work on the newsletter and I’m looking forward to daycare time this afternoon when I can tackle the rest of my action items for the day. I don’t feel exhausted. I feel ready.  

I think the same thing happens with money work. Sometimes we focus so much of our mental energy on something, whether it’s squirreling away money in our emergency fund, whittling down credit card debt, or tracking our business revenue, that we become exhausted. Those goals are all good, but spending too much time on them can make us lose sight of the reason we’re shooting for them in the first place. So, if you’re working hard on a money goal and feeling exhausted, can I recommend a weekend away from it? Maybe just a little time apart will make you feel more motivated when you come back to it. 

XOXO

Last week Safiya Bouhouch of I Am Well shared a piece on mindfulness. In it she explained that a mindfulness practice doesn’t have to be super complicated - instead she recommends starting with three steps: hydration, meditation, and breathwork. Meditation and breathwork can seem slightly daunting to me on busy days, but I always feel like I can hydrate! So, since last week I’ve been working on making sure that I drink at least 8 glasses of water a day. And you know what? It is amazing. My skin is clearing up after a few weeks of frustrating breakouts, I have more energy throughout the day, and, most importantly, my thoughts are less muddled and I’ve gained back a bit of optimism that seemed to have disappeared in 2020. 

In fact, I started feeling so optimistic that I let myself get carried away with what else I thought I could achieve. I started thinking along the lines of, “If I can drink enough water and help my skin and clear away some of my anxiety, maybe I can make some other mindfulness tweak (meditation let’s say) and then finish everything on my to do list! You know, that real to do list that is a million miles long.” 

And that’s how I got to the subject line in today’s newsletter. You, unlike me in my moments of hubris, probably know that doing it all isn’t possible.  

Except, maybe, like me, a part of you really hopes that it is possible. You know it isn’t, but you can’t help but hope that with the right advice you’ll figure out what you’ve been doing wrong and all of a sudden you’ll be able to do everything you want all at once. I know I feel that way, and it is certainly something that comes up with clients. 

But, we all know deep down that we can’t actually do everything. There simply isn’t enough time. And, the older I get the more thankful I become for that fact. Having to choose means that I get to focus on the things that make me happy and prioritizing forces me to be more thoughtful. If I could do everything then nothing would actually be that special. 

Prioritization is necessary in all aspects of our lives -- we can’t do all the smart financial things at once because we don’t have enough time, money or support to do so. And that’s okay! The problem often is figuring out what in our list we actually should focus on first. So, if your list looks something like this: 

Buy a home

Save for retirement

Save for taxes

Save for emergencies

Save! Save anything!

Make a will

Find a financial coach

Figure out what to do with that old account

Find my login information for that IRA I haven’t looked at in ages 

Reach out to my CPA

Pay off my credit cards

Look into a personal loan

Open a business account

...and you’re not sure where to start, I have a quick piece of advice. Order the list based on how time sensitive each item is and then only focus on the first three things. You won’t get it all done immediately, but you’ll start making progress and knocking down that first domino is often the hardest part. 

Oh, and go drink a glass of water. 

XOXO

P.S. If your list feels daunting and you’re not sure what is actually the most time sensitive or you know, but you don’t know how to actually do the thing then financial coaching may be a good fit for you! You can schedule a free call with us here.

Marguerite and I talk about mindfulness with our clients regularly, but we don’t always use that term. Instead we ask clients to consider their emotions when they are dealing with their finances. We ask them to “check in” and use that information when creating goals and plans. Those check ins are crucial for creating new money habits that are sustainable for their lifestyle and aligned with their values, but sometimes, in order to really get aligned, it is important to go a step further.

I’ve recently realized that my additional mindfulness habits have become a little shaky. As such, I’m not positive that how I’m dealing with my money is fully aligned anymore. This happens naturally over time since our values and lifestyles change, but it has been a bit more extreme for me than in the past because of how drastically my life changed in 2020. My first child was born in September and since then almost every waking moment (and, tbh, most sleeping moments) are focused on her. 

I’m not sure I’m actually misaligned, but I do want to be sure, so I can figure out what money habits and goals I need to change. Since I no longer have the same flexibility in my schedule, I’ve had to modify my old habits for my new life: 

I’m thrilled to announce that the incredible Safiya Bouhouch of I Am Well Community will be sharing a guest post next week. She is much more knowledgeable about mindfulness techniques than Marguerite or I will ever be and is planning on sharing a few gems that can help us all on our money mindfulness journey.

XOXO

Part of my job is to ask people to pay me money so that they get better with their money. Getting better with their money often means that they’re currently struggling with some scary money issues: debt, overspending, a lack of savings or harmful income inconsistencies. When I first started working for myself I really struggled with this ask. It feels uncomfortable to tell someone who is struggling with money to spend more money so that they can stop struggling with money. See that vicious circle? 

When the coronavirus pandemic hit the first thing I thought of with how it would impact my business was that my pitch was all of a sudden going to be a whole lot harder. And then I paused. The value of my work actually just went up, not down. It’s in my head that my pitch is harder. It isn’t harder, it’s that I still have some money mindset issues to work through. 

Here’s the real answer of why working with a financial coach is so important during a time of financial crisis. While this may feel like an incredibly bizarre time to be spending money on getting better with money, it also may be an incredibly important time to invest in this part of your life/work. I can help you manage your money so that it stretches farther while improving the way it feels when you spend it. I can also help you determine the best ways to use your time bringing in revenue so that you are getting more bang for your buck. Being able to use those skills and tools now means that you are in a much stronger position both during the pandemic and after. 

And here’s the money mindset work that I’m doing. I have recognized that asking for money for my services makes me uncomfortable. It makes me way less uncomfortable than it did a few years ago, but it still brings up some difficult feelings. I have realized that those uncomfortable feelings are connected to two things: 1) my not-always-stellar feelings of self-worth, and 2) some confusing money values that were pounded into me at a very young age. 

Most of the time I feel like a confident business owner. I’m proud of the work I’ve done, the impact my business has on my clients, and the money I bring in to my family. Unfortunately, most of the time is not all of the time. There are days when I feel like an imposter and there are days when I question whether or not anything I’m doing makes sense. I never doubt the quality of my work or how much I’m helping clients, which is good, but it is all the other things that I don’t stay consistently proud of. I know this is normal. I also know that when I focus on all of the good that I do for people most of my doubts melt away. 

The money values I was raised with are actually much more complicated and harmful than my self-worth issues. I was raised to believe that the only work worth doing is work that makes you a martyr to your cause. Being a public school teacher was great because I did a lot of good for the world, was wholeheartedly underpaid and overworked. Owning my own business that helps folks who are usually left out of traditional financial advising services because of their net worth, gender orientation, sex or ethnicity gets a check for doing good in the world, but fails at the martyrdom. Yes, I work a lot (I’m writing this on a Saturday evening), but I also make sure that I get paid an appropriate amount. This value of martyrdom creeps up when I’m feeling emotionally vulnerable (see self-worth doubts) and then makes me question whether I should even ask for money in the first place. See that vicious circle? I know that when I’m feeling more stable emotionally I’m less likely to feel these feelings, but they are still there and will probably still be there to some extent for the rest of my life. In the next newsletter I’ll dive deeper into this story and help you figure out your harmful money narratives and how to reframe them. 

Have you noticed any harmful money narratives come up over the past few weeks? How have you, or are you, dealing with them? 

XOXO

There are a lot of financial professionals out there who wouldn’t touch the word mantra with a 6 foot pole. There is a whole other contingent that spends 100% of their time focusing on mantras, mindset and manifestation. I’m in neither camp. I rarely find the extremes to work for me, nor do I find that they work for many of my clients. That being said, according to my family in rural Louisiana I am incredibly “woo woo”. According to my friends in Los Angeles I’m pragmatic and straightlaced. Clearly perspective matters and depending on where you fall in the spectrum, this post may feel particularly uncomfortable or particularly easy to digest. I urge you, regardless of your initial reaction, to give it a try. 

THE MINDSET/ACTION CYCLE

Your money mindset is the set of beliefs and internal narratives that you hold in regards to how you view money, wealth and your position in that world. No single mindset is right for everyone, but everyone deserves to have a healthy mindset - one that enables you to feel comfortable and good about your experiences with money and one that encourages you to make money decisions that align with your values. 

Most healthy money mindsets are relatively fragile. Many of us grow up with incredibly negative mindsets and therefore have had to do a lot of work to change our narratives. Even if you grew up with a positive mindset, social norms often tear that down and you will have to work to keep it intact. Therefore, any time you experience emotional distress, your fragile money mindset can easily get disrupted and become negative. Unfortunately, we, as human beings, have a very hard time removing emotion from our decision making processes (actually, I think this is a good thing, but it certainly makes life harder!). If your mindset is in disarray then your decision making process will almost inevitably suffer as well. 

You’ve likely experienced this at different times in the past. Maybe you were going through a particularly tough breakup and ended up booking a flight to Hawaii that you couldn’t really afford. Maybe you were feeling left out of a friend group and you spent money on clothes or experiences that helped you fit in, but didn’t really match your values. Maybe you were just having a shitty day so you ended up self soothing via online shopping or buying one too many glasses of wine because “you deserved it”. I’ve been there. 

Globally, we are now in a time of mass distress. Even if you are healthy, employed and safe, you are likely feeling the trauma that is happening all around us. And, unfortunately, many of us aren’t healthy, employed or safe.

MANTRAS TO THE RESCUE (kind of)

Mantras are simple phrases that we can repeat again and again to help us rewire our narratives. For example, instead of my frequent narrative, “I’ll never get another client again” (truly, I do not know where this comes from, it has never been true, but has been a persistent, unhelpful thought for years), I can say “I am constantly bringing in new clients and helping them reach their goals”. Putting the mantra in the present tense is important because it signals to our brains that this thing that you’re saying is true now, and not something that might happen in the future or something that used to happen. 

Mantras may feel silly when you first start using them. I mean, you are repeating the same phrase over and over to yourself, often out loud and often in a mirror,  but they are incredibly powerful when you are trying to rewire a specific, negative money narrative. That being said, mindset is only one piece to the puzzle. You can rewire those negative narratives and create an emotional space where you are primed and ready to take on your financial goals, but if you don’t have the knowledge or skills to actually achieve those goals, you’ll still be, as my high school World History teacher, Mrs. Young, used to say, "up poo poo creek without a paddle." That is why I believe in the power of mindfulness, emotional intelligence and introspection when it comes to creating a healthy relationship with money and reaching financial goals and I believe that specialized skills and knowledge are crucial. 

A FEW OF MY FAVORITE MANTRAS 

• I am healthy, wealthy and happy. 

• I have great ideas for how to make and save money. 

• I am enough.

• I am worthy of financial success. 

• Money improves my life and the lives around me. 

NEXT STEPS

Try it out! Start by asking yourself what your current money mindset is. Is it serving you? Is it hurting? If it is hurting, try to put that in words. Now spin that around and make it a positive sentence that will help you find alignment. If you’re having trouble, try out one of my tried and true examples, or reach out to me for some guidance. If you feel like you’ve got the mindset on point, but want some help with the skills, let me know. If you feel lost on both fronts, let me know (note: you can email me here).

I’m here for you on your money journey, wherever that may be. 

XOXO