Working Through Our Money Emotions: Part 1
Note: This post is part of a series on money emotions and I want your help! I’ll be posting several more installments over the course of the coming months (interspersed with other asked for content). If you have a related question or request, please email me here.
I’ve spent a lot of time over the last 3 weeks leading virtual workshops on how to deal with money during this time of crisis. During each workshop I remind the attendees to pay attention to their feelings as we move into the nuts and bolts of the session. Our feelings impact how we spend, save and earn. They impact how we manage our money. And, at the best of times, dealing with our money feelings means that we’re working through societal expectations, family pressure and internally ingrained belief systems. That is a LOT. During times of crisis things get even more complicated. We throw on some extra layers of stress, emotional fatigue (and therefore short patience), personal and global uncertainty, and, for many of us, new, unexpected daily money challenges. We now have to ask ourselves a myriad of questions: How do I pay my rent when I just lost all of my income? Is it better to put this on a credit card or keep taking out of savings? Should I get a personal loan? Will I get re-hired? Since I haven’t lost all of my income should I start giving my money away? If so, to whom? Is it possible for me to still start that business I’ve been working on? I could go on and on, but I won’t, because writing out this list at 8:25am on a Monday morning doesn’t seem to be doing good things to my breathing.
I purposefully do not ask workshop attendees to list out all of their worries. That’s a great way to start a stress cycle and, while there are benefits to getting really clear on our worries so we can determine which are real and which are “praying for something bad to happen”, I don’t think a group virtual session with strangers is really the right place for that. At least I’m not emotionally ready to lead that yet. Instead, I ask attendees to do what I’m going to urge you to do: brainstorm how you want to feel during this time of social distancing. Take about a minute or two and write down everything you can think of. Next, take a minute or two and brainstorm how you want to feel after this time of social distancing.
The answers thus far have been incredibly illuminating: They’ve ranged from “calm”, “centered”, and “empowered” to “not terrified” and “not stir crazy”. The “not” answers are always interesting to me. I see them as a stepping stone. We notice that the phrase without the not is what we are actually feeling right now and that we don’t like it, but we haven’t quite gotten to the point where we can replace the word outright with a more positive one. That’s okay! Just recognizing the importance of “not” can be a big deal.
I digress.
After you’ve brainstormed how you want to feel, I recommend that you spend some time looking at your current financial reality (you can use my new, free template to help ground you). Write down a few of your favorite brainstormed feelings on a post-it note and put it somewhere super visible -- maybe on the edge of your laptop or on the desk you’re sitting at (or, let’s be more realistic, on the cat that has now claimed your lap as its permanent place of residence). While you’re checking out the numbers ask yourself the following questions:
What is going really well right now? Is it that you’ve maintained at least some of your income? Is it that you were able to negotiate better terms for that loan? That you’ve removed those old subscriptions you don’t use? Slowed your spending?
What doesn’t feel good? Is it something to do with your income? Your spending? Something that’s been problematic for a while now, but just feels even worse during a pandemic?
What can you do right now to help yourself? Can you modify spending habits? Can you apply for unemployment? Reach out to clients with new services that better help them during this time?
What do you need help with? Are there things you know aren’t working, but you’re not sure what you can do? Are you feeling lost? If this is the case, please reach out to me. You can set up a free consult call here or email me here. I am always happy to chat and if there’s something I can quickly answer I will. If it’s more complicated, I’ll help you figure out next steps - whether that means working with me or finding different resources.
Regardless of where you are and where you’re feeling, know that I’m right here with you. I started Verdi because I believe that financial literacy through the lens of kindness, support and acceptance does immense good in this world and in the midst of today’s crisis I believe that more than ever. If you have questions, ask. If you want me to work together, but you’re not sure how, let me know and we’ll figure it out together.
XOXO
