Speaking of Unhelpful Advice on the Internet…

I’ve always had a bit of a shopping problem. No…I don’t really mean that. I don’t want to place a judgment on it from the get go. 

I’ll start over - I’ve always loved shopping. I love new things. I love trying on outfits and there were many times in my life when I spent a great deal of time, energy, and money on my clothes. It made me happy. 

During my first pregnancy I sort of gave up on all of that. I had just started my second trimester when Covid shutdowns went into place and I didn’t feel the need to spend money on clothes that no one would see but me and my husband. In retrospect that was likely a sign of depression, but I think at the time everything was in such upheaval that I didn’t recognize it as such. 

That first pregnancy was difficult and my second one, while less challenging than the first, was nerve wracking because my previous pregnancy put me in a high risk category. I struggled with postpartum depression and anxiety after my first, which unfortunately went undiagnosed (mostly because it was so much better than what I experienced during pregnancy). The PPD and PPA got a lot worse after my second child was born and, thankfully, that time around I had folks around me who helped me recognize what was going on. I went on medication, made lifestyle changes, and went to therapy.

During all this time I continued to shop, but mostly out of habit and desperation (my shoe size changed with EACH baby) and the simple fact that postpartum Caroline was a size (actually many sizes) that I had never been before and therefore I needed at least some clothes that fit. 

Over the last few months my PPD and PPA have really improved. I still have challenges, but they are more manageable and, as my therapist would say, I have more tools in my toolkit. I know how to recognize what is happening and I have multiple ways to move forward. 

One of the outcomes of my improved mental health is that I really want to get dressed in things that spark joy for me. I want to put on clothes that make me smile. I want to wear things that make me feel powerful and strong -- that make me feel capable. I do feel all of these things, but it has always helped me when the outside reminds me of what I know to be true on the inside. 

As such, I’ve been shopping in new ways recently. What had felt more like a chore and habit is feeling exciting, but also a little bit overwhelming. I want to buy so much, but I know I can’t afford to go overboard. I also know that both my style and my body are in flux and investing too much money into a style at this point is likely premature. 

To be completely honest, I haven’t quite figured out how I want to move forward in this space. I could buy a lot of new things at a low price point (Old Navy, Target) or I could buy more things at a mid-range price point, or I could invest in just a couple things at a higher price point. Pre-pregnancy Caroline would have chosen the mid or high range and postpartum depression Caroline would have chosen the low price point. The question is, where does post pregnancy, stable mental health Caroline go? 

If you’ve been in a similar place and have advice for me, I’d love to hear it! Shoot me an email at caroline@verdiadvising.com or comment below. 

As always, I’m rooting for you.

XOXO,